Wishing You Were Them
by blueangel573
Summary: "Looking at the stars, and wishing you were them." Nagisa lived his entire life with epilepsy, but it wasn't until Haru, Rin, and Makoto came into his life that he knew what it meant to live without restriction. His parents held him in a constant state of fear and metaphorical bubble wrap, while his friends helped him climb mountains.


Nagisa held his breath as he stared at the building in front of him. Hundreds of uniform clad teenagers sped past him, grumbling about stupid first years standing in the middle of the walk way. The blonde hardly paid them any mind. This was the day he'd see _them_ again. Haruka and Makoto, his childhood teammates. Nagisa's body shook in excitement as he finally put one foot ahead of the other, making his way slowly into the building.

"Come on, Nagisa. You're not one to get nervous." He whispered to himself, sighing as his hands stayed clenched tightly on his backpack's straps. It made sense that the first year would be a bit jittery, after all, he hadn't seen his friends in years. Despite this, he had thought it would be more of an excited jittery, rather than an overly nervous one. He shook his head lightly, willing the nerves back deep into his mind. He plastered a smile on his face as he made his way up the stairs to his first class. He hoped he would run into his old friends at some point in the day, but if not, he'd have to make a note to ask one of the staff where their classes were located.

"Come on, Haru. You know you can't skip class just to sit in the tub." Nagisa's ears perked up. Was that who he thought it was?

"Why is that?" Nagisa's face split into a grin as the familiar voices of his friends entered his ears. Looks like he could scratch going to ask where their classes were from his schedule today. Nagisa bounded up the stairs towards the voices, the excitement he'd anticipated hitting him full force as he came face to face with Haruka and Makoto.

"Haruka, Makoto!" He shouted, hand waving excitedly in front of him. "It's been forever!" He could see the confusion flash across his friend's faces, before both of their gazes turned shocked towards the small blonde.

"Nagisa?" They said in unison, a small chuckle rippling through Nagisa's chest. Always so in tune with each other.

"How have you guys been?"

* * *

To say that Nagisa had been disappointed when he found out there hadn't been a swim club at Iwatobi was an understatement. Despite the fact the trio had come up with the brilliant plan to create one of their own, the blonde's mood was still dramatically lower than he had really expected it to be. It's not like there was anything to be disappointed about, but for some reason he couldn't shake the feeling off. Haruka had been staring at him worriedly throughout the entire exchange, eyes boring into the side of his head like he was trying to read his mind. It hadn't been that Nagisa wasn't used to Haruka being overly perceptive of him, it was more that it would take a while to get used to again.

His classes seemed to drag on forever, and it was with a sinking feeling in his stomach the familiar feeling of weakness began to creep up his spine and into his neck. Nagisa couldn't remember a time in his life when he didn't have seizures, but his mom always told him they hadn't started appearing until a little after his fourth birthday. Little bits of lost concentration and a clumsy child were something most people found normal, but it wasn't long after Nagisa's fifth fall down the stairs that his mother had started to worry. One doctor's appointment later, and it was determined that the small blonde had epilepsy, and not too long after, his short absence seizures morphed into full blown atonic attacks.

It had been nearly a month since his last drop attack, and he was content to keep it that way. The last thing he wanted on his first day of school was to be known as that kid that smashed his face into his desk. Nagisa sighed as he leaned his head down on his crossed arms, attention focused more on staying conscious than the lecture happening before him. Even when the bell rang to dismiss for lunch the first year was reluctant to remove himself from class. He didn't want to make Makoto and Haruka worry however, so with a heavy sigh and shaky footing, he made his way up to the roof.

The stairs seemed to stretch farther than they had earlier that day, each one seeming just a little bit higher and a little bit wider than the last. His attention focused solely on not falling down the stairs, he startled when he ran into a broad chest in front of him.

"Hey, Nagisa. Are you alright?" The familiar voice of Makoto drifted through his ears, and Nagisa could feel his heart rate slow at the realization. He wouldn't have to walk the rest of the way to the roof on his own.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" The blonde shouted enthusiastically, head pounding harshly at the shrill tone of his own voice. He bit back a moan as the pain resonated throughout his head. _Just tell him._ Nagisa looked up into Makoto's eyes, a fake smile plastered on his quickly paling face. He could tell Makoto didn't believe him just by the way his hands almost seemed to hover just slightly by his side.

"If you're sure." Makoto began, eyes downcast. Nagisa hated lying to his friends, but he couldn't worry them like that again. It had been years since they'd last witnessed one of Nagisa's attacks, and the last thing he wanted was for them to on the first day. He knew deep down just saying the words wouldn't make it any better, or change the outcome, but for now he could only hope the warnings were coming days in advance. "Let's go up and meet with Haru. I was just about to go down to get something from the cafeteria, but I can walk with you." Nagisa shook his head, regretting it immediately as the pounding in his head became even more noticeable.

"No, no! I'll be fine, Mako-chan. Don't worry. Go get your food." Nagisa said, knowing he hadn't meant a single word of it. The last thing he wanted was for Makoto to leave him to walk those last few flights of stairs alone. While Nagisa knew the warning signs usually came hours, even days in advance, the last thing he wanted was to drop like a rock on a flight of stairs and end up in A&E.

"Come on, Nagisa." Makoto said, hands hovering close to Nagisa's small, but well muscled frame. No matter how grateful the first year was for the assistance, he was still reluctant to admit out loud that something was wrong. He always did have a tough time accepting the reality of negative situations. He had been tired of the pessimistic attitude he seemed to be trapped in, but with his brain out of whack already he knew there was nothing that could be done.

It was on the last flight of stairs that he felt his legs start to give way, his arms immediately flailing in a desperate attempt to right himself. Makoto reacted quickly, arms wrapping tightly around the younger's waist in an attempt to keep him upright. Nagisa breathed deeply through his mouth, dizziness washing over him in waves. Makoto didn't move the entire time it took Nagisa to collect himself again, the older whispering soft words into Nagisa's ear as an attempt to comfort him.

"You're alright, I've got you." Makoto whispered, entwining their hands together. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall. Do you want to sit down?" Nagisa shook his head lightly, the pounding beginning to recede slowly while the dizziness never once stopped.

"Let's go up to the roof, do you mind if I lay down for a bit?" Nagisa asked, smiling slightly as Makoto chuckled above him.

"Of course, let me help you the rest of the way though." Makoto held tightly to the boy in his arms, taking slow steps up the last couple steps. It wasn't long after that the door opened and Haruka appeared, taking in the sight with his typical aloofness.

"Everything alright?" Haruka asked, eyes scanning over Nagisa as if he could see right through him. Makoto sighed and shook his head as they made it up the last stair, Haruka taking up a spot at Nagisa's left side.

"I knew he'd been acting strange. Losing a bit of feeling in his legs, mood changes, dizziness, the usual." Nagisa hated when the two of them talked about him as if he wasn't standing right between them, but the situation was so familiar, so safe, that for a second he forgot to be annoyed.

"Do you think you want to go to the nurse, Nagisa?" Makoto asked as they settled on the ground near the door, backs pressed against the brick wall. Nagisa quickly laid his head in Makoto's lap, sighing softly as the older began to play idly with his hair.

"I'll be okay." Makoto hummed, hand still playing lightly with the smaller boy's blonde locks. Nagisa made out the few words passing between the two boys. Haruka agreed to go and get the three of them food from the cafeteria, and it was with a sigh he realized Haruka hadn't taken along any of his money. "I'll pay you back tomorrow." Nagisa said, a small chuckle escaping his pillow.

"No chance. What are friends for?" Nagisa smiled lightly as he allowed his body to relax. How he missed the sanctuary his friends provided. Hopefully tomorrow would be a more normal day, and he could go back to being his obnoxiously over the moon self. "I meant to ask, if you're feeling better later, would you like to come visit with us at Haru's house? It's been awhile since we've seen you. Gotta catch up!" Nagisa felt his typical excitement bubble up in his chest at the thought of spending the rest of the day with Makoto and Haruka, and with an excited nod he agreed.

"Yeah, I'd love to!" He shouted, body twisting so he could look up at Makoto. The brunette smiled softly at him.

"Great! Since tomorrow's Saturday, I usually stay the night at Haru's as well. If you'd like, you could stay over as well." Makoto added, hand still idly wandering through Nagisa's hair. The younger hummed in response, the overwhelming dizziness seeming to wash back over him almost immediately. There was nothing that would make him miss a night with his friends, but he really did wish the stupid lightheadedness would go away. "You alright?" Makoto asked again, and for once Nagisa didn't see the point in fibbing.

"Dizzy." He replied simply. Makoto nodded in understanding, pushing him gently back over to his side.

"Does laying on your left still help?" Nagisa startled a bit at that. It was amazing how much Makoto still remembered from their elementary school days. It made sense to him despite the shock. It was always Haruka, Rin, and Makoto that knew exactly what to do from the moment they'd met.

"Yes, thank you, Mako-chan." Nagisa replied, sighing softly as Haruka finally arrived with their food. Haruka handed over a simple bento box to Makoto and a piece of Iwatobi Surprise Bread to Nagisa. Yes, he loved that Haruka knew him so well. Makoto helped the smaller boy to sit up, keeping a supporting arm on his shoulder even after Nagisa was well situated against the wall.

"You're alright?" Makoto asked as Nagisa took a small bite out of his bread. Even his favorite food didn't taste as good as it normally did. The lessened senses were nearly debilitating. He tasted less, felt less, heard less, saw less. He felt disconnected from reality, and it was a feeling he was quickly tiring of. Nagisa set his food down beside him, dropping his knees down to lay flat in front of him. He felt _awful_ , and he wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep for the next year or two. Nagisa was determined to make it through the day despite that. He could sleep when he got to Haruka's house later that night. They only had two more class periods after lunch anyway, so there was no reason Nagisa needed to run home.

"Nagisa." Nagisa lifted his gaze to look at Haruka, surprised by the utter of his name. Typically Haruka remained quiet through lunch, only talking when absolutely necessary or when someone mentioned his beloved water. It wasn't too long after that Nagisa was aware of the reason behind the call as he felt his upper body give way, his head lolling roughly forward as he lost all ability to move his upper body. Haruka had reacted quickly, catching the smaller boy by the shoulders. Nagisa thought in the back of his mind that Haruka saved him a week of neck pain. He'd have to thank him for that later.

"Lay him down." He heard Makoto say, his mind lost in the sea of nothing that was his body. He couldn't move a single muscle. Haruka laid Nagisa gently onto the concrete floor, his right hand immediately finding Nagisa's left. The first year relished in how calm they made him feel, even when he couldn't even manage to blink. He couldn't blink, couldn't feel many of his extremities, his head hurt and he felt as if he would throw up any second. With Makoto and Haruka there however, he felt just a little bit better about the entire situation. A _very_ little bit. It wasn't long after that he was able to wiggle his fingers, blink his eyes, shift his legs. Nagisa let out a grateful sigh as he pushed himself up from the ground, Makoto and Haru keeping a steady hand on his back.

"Alright?" Haruka asked, settling the younger back against the wall. Nagisa nodded his head gratefully, smiling lightly at his friend.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better now actually!" Nagisa smiled widely, welcoming his quickly heightening mood. The smaller boy picked up his food with slight apprehension, taking a small bite of the sweet bread. "Ah, as delicious as I remember." Nagisa smiled brightly when he saw his two friend's moods lift along with his own, small smiles gracing both their features.

"Good, now why don't we talk about that swim club idea you had?"


End file.
